Exploring Entanglements: What Does it Mean to Be a Sexual Citizen?
Episode 4: Sexual Geographies In this episode, peer educators discuss the physical spaces and sexual geographies of the college campus and the role that alcohol plays in college life.
Transcript
Hey everyone. Welcome to Episode 4 of exploring entanglement. Today we will be speaking on the sexual assault chapter and some things as well as like the effects of alcohol and sexual assault. Sexual geography of themes and wow, sexual So ties into sexual citizenship. So to begin, I just want to kind of outline what roles sexual assault plays in this. So when speaking of sexual assault experiences, it's often very difficult to address sexual assault because of how varied those experiences are. This chapter does a really good job of explaining the different experiences that you can have as far as sexual soul and why it makes it so difficult to kind of address as like an umbrella term because there's so many things that goes into sexual. So one of the things you want to talk about today are so much a social life in college, revolve around drinking. Some of this, I guess I can touch on just being a college student. If you just thinking of like the movies about college experiences, most of them involve like binge drinking and, you know, before I even was a freshman in college, I knew that that's what college students do. Like, I knew college students drink because like you're not in high school anymore. So you drink, you go to parties and do that type stuff. So at least for me and I knew going into college that drinking was going to be a big part of my experience. Yeah, I can I can attest to that as well. I remember my first day, I guess my first week on moving in. We had our little orientation and then we kinda got the chance to get situated in our dorms and stuff. And I remember I did end up going out the first night. So I was like, This is the college experience. Doing or like this is what my friends want to do. So I mean, I also wanted to do, but like the group mentality now. And I gotta just like jumped right into it as soon as I got here. Yes. So I think like a lot of like going to college does revolve around link this vehicle thing of like drinking. And most campuses I think wise just use a dry campus. But I note there are some campuses that I don't even know what's the term for. Like, I don't know. Like a wet kiss. Yeah. I know like Westchester has at least try campus. But, you know, there is often like a lot of pressures when it comes to drinking as a college shooting. Because a lot of the times, something that the book mentions is like pre-game mean, right? That's a thing, Let's go. Big thing in college because we know that our campus is a dry campus. It's one of the places where I think most people drink is their dorms, like even though it's not allowed. But I think like because, you know, we're able to like hide it in. Like that. Like I think one of the big spaces where people do often drink is their dorms because they know like, okay, well, I'm free gaming here, at least this Zika safe space for me since dreamed, as long as I don't get too drunk and CR acting crazy in the hallways and stuff. I think. Obviously like your dorms like a big space, R0, R0 drink and that kind of mix it like, you know, sometimes it puts a lot of pressure on you to drink because you're in the small space most of the time with very few people. And so it's going to make you feel like, Okay, well everyone else is shrinking. So like maybe I should treat and just even going to a party can be intimidating. Well, it's a liquid courage and stuff so awesome. That kind of influences a lot of like why college students might be more inclined to tree. Yeah, I know like especially like with this idea of like pre gaming, the whole goal of it was kind of to get as drunk as you can before you go out because you never know, like especially like if you're under 21, like if there will be alcohol while you're out or if you'd be able to bring it or something. So like the whole goal of that is just to like pre-game so that you're actually like drunk before you leave your house. I know, like that's like a big pressure. Especially having other people around you who are doing the same thing. Like you're kind of like looking to them to see what they're doing and then, you know, adjusting or like shifting what you're doing to fit that. I can definitely say like I've experienced that where like my friends are coming over and we're going to go out or something and like we're all just trying to get as drunk as we can before we leave. And that definitely like we're looking back on it does not seem like the safest option, but that's definitely true of going out as an underage called shooter. Yeah. And especially like fresh urine because it's like you're just coming out of high school and you're obviously not 21. Yeah. I think that's like a big thing with freshmen especially, but also just college students in general because drinks are expensive, you know, like Dina mentioned, like, you never know where you're going to go. You kind of want to like, make sure your lit before you go. Because drinks are expensive and you don't have, if you can pay like we know, this cheap model, instead of paying $6. Weird dream. Like, that's another big thing with college students like pre-game and nobody wants to spend more money than me. But also something interesting that I was reading was that a lot of problem college campuses. The book mentions how people who really like Venice alphabet, the lack of consequences of binge drinking. I really like white male students because number one, like say they get drunk, they don't really have to worry about the degree of the consequence they can potentially get if they had an identity because they are white male student. They don't really have to worry about like expenses for like the ambulance and they happen to drink too much. So I think something big, think about like A lot of this, at least from my experience, Dina, and you can kinda talk about this, about your own experience. But at least for me, I will say that I definitely see a lot more like drunk white eyes than anybody on campus. Like for me at least, I think, like that's like the biggest time of the population that I think has a lot of like binge drinking at least. Yeah, I think I can reflect on a personal experience that I've had are people that I know I definitely agree with. Like it's mostly like the white frat guys that used here that are getting like super drunk because I feel like they don't have to worry about like yourself. The repercussions are the consequences of their actions like not even if they need to go to the hospital or something like that. But like say if I were to get super drunk, like I would worry about my well-being and my safety. Again, like other people that I'm around. Whereas I feel like men and white men specifically don't really have those same fears, but along the lines of like facing, I guess the consequences, I can say my brother, I think his junior year got caught in his dorm and he was on a dry campus as well. He got caught in his dorm with a bunch of bottles of alcohol and stuff and the campus and basically just showed up and asked him to just dump them. I'm in that I think he had to go to like one almost AAA type class or something in response to that. So he didn't really face a whole lot of like, I guess, consequences where I think the cop even said to him like, Oh, you're lucky you like this would be so and so like dollar fine, blah, blah, blah. But I'm going to go easy on you. So I think, yeah, there's definitely differences in experience across the board for not only having like, actual like maybe legal or like hospital bill type consequences, but also like the consequences that women might face if they drink too much. I think will six so crazy because we know with that have been like a different person. Maybe it would have gone a different way because I remember even the one time one of the worries I call public safety on us and they were hounding us like going through all of our thing obviously to ask permission, but like, you know, it was me and my friends and we're all we all happen to be minority women. So it was kind of scary like they were going through all our stuff and we knew like that we're not even doing anything, you know. So an engineer, like we did have like all these bottles in our room and stuff like that. I really do wonder like, what would have happened to us. We probably would have got like a fine or something. So that is really crazy. Just like, you know, as far as like the comfortability of shrinking it, like your identity does have a lot to do with that because they also mentioned how like white France and more likely to drink. And like, you know, like historically Black fraternities or multicultural fraternities, just because they know that the consequences would be different. Like for example, over what was it, Was it primetime quarantine or not? But I know that there was still some quite strict unities having parties on campus. And I remember there was this one return any I'm not sure which when they really were, but I think where I'm multicultural lunch. And they tried to have a party and it got shut down. Or they even had it, I think like the day before because they were like, No, there's no parties on campus. But meanwhile, you would see like all these like day pardons that, you know, just walk and more investors so that you could see them. And they they were like white parties and stuff. So it's just crazy because I do think that like, you know, your identity does have a lot to do with like, your comfortability drinking, especially like binge drinking tests like, you know, we don't want to be walking around campus. All like drunken staff knowing like okay, he's going to see me as well. I want to do with it. Can also say from my experience, I've seen a lot of like day parties are things like where people are just like gathered on a lawn or something, like driving down the street. And especially like even recently, like when I guess things are a little bit more relaxed COVID wise, but I definitely still see it out and it's mostly all white folks that I'm seeing are these parties. And I definitely I think it's interesting that this, this party or event that was hosted by a historically multicultural group got shut down before it even started. I think I think there's something there, like outscored. Why are certain groups being polio store like how does that happen? What if it was in West Chester? Yeah, exactly. So that's definitely something to think about when it comes to like, you know, like been shrinking. But also something else I wanted to mention was like, you know, like freshman year, you you think like that's to me like, you know, your first few days you go and then it's like boom, you have all of these like sexual assault programs and alcohol world grant alcohol prevention programs and all like that. And so honestly, in my opinion, Let's try to make it fun. They try to invite speakers that are more engaging with like alcohol or drinking prevention and stuff like that. But it's still a freshman are so eager to get into the college experience. I remember my orientation the first few days where you have to like go through all those trainings and stuff or programs. I remember going to them knows is like hating because as a sort of ever being like, Why am I here like this is so boring. Like I just, I don't feel like we know this or, you know, obviously there is an important too. And so I think as far as like those programs, what I remember is seeing like at least person that was speaking to me and aids white guys. See me about the college experience. So yeah, you want to make it kind of funny, you know, like as far as like alcohol prevention and stuff like that. But I do genuinely feel as though if it was like a studio, like an actual a junior or senior. I can tell you like, look man, like Listen, this is the reality of drinking and you know, you're going to do a, needs to be careful because that's basically what the seeker was saying to us. He's like, I'm not going to see here. And so you don't drink because you're a student, you're going to do that. I want to tell you how to do it safely and be careful about. And so I I did like, retain most of what he was saying. And the like I said, it's like a 100, hundreds of freshmen city and like an auditorium listening into it. And I think personally like if it was like a upperclassmen only need somebody I can physically see around this bill at me That wouldn't have impacted me differently than an actual speaker. I mean, I know they do like their own research and stuff like that, but I don't know. It just seems so like tt's each line here is each very careful drinking and stuff like that. You don't like other college students actual experiences as more impactful for me. Yeah. I would agree with that because I'm in the hearing. These things from somebody who is close to the experience and like somebody who is still going through this experience, like like an upperclassmen, like you said, it's definitely, I would say more valuable and more like I think that would have a better reach towards the audience. Like, I mean, even us like where peer educators and the goal there is to kind of connect more with the student body to I guess spread our information and do our work. And I think that would be really beneficial if they tried to maybe bring in like students, speakers, and people who I actually like have been to the fraud. So the freshmen might be going to or like somebody who's actually like lived through like the Westchester experience to be able to I guess, kind of get advise or like even just even the same information, maybe it might just get through a little bit better. I would definitely agree with that. Like I I've only been at Western transferase, so I haven't been there too long. I know at least from my community who I hang around. I don't like places where like social drinking and stuff is involved. Obviously in your dorms, buff, purple Jim, parties like for homecoming and stuff like that. You know, as mentioned before, we have like different tailgate locations, very different communities. But at least for me like a big part of like where, you know, shrinking and like being social and South is involved were like the purple Jim parties and like you know, like the historically black fraternity parties because like that's just like, you know, like where you feel comfortable drinking and stuff. And so at least for my experience at Westchester so far, those have been like most of the places where I have seen my drinking and like social life being involved then. But now that I'm 21, unfortunately, we're not on campus, so I haven't experienced the bar life. Yeah. But I will say that I'm a little like not nervous wreck, but have heard that some of these bars at Westchester, I like racist. So I'm just thinking like do I even want to go bar hopping in these Western US or bars? But obviously like a big part of being like 21 in Westchester is going to these Rs. So at least for me, I haven't experienced that. Yeah. But where I have experience like party lag and drinking and stuff or like the purple Jim parties are definitely So I made friends with like I mentioned last episode, I I kinda made friends with all the people that were on my floor of the time. Since we've, we've grown apart, but they were all very interested in in rushing sororities and doing things like that. And I was not so much interested in that, but I was very close to the end, like they were white. So I was very close to the way sorority and frat situation. So that was mostly the the places where I would go is like the white friends. And I kind of I just remember like it's just a dark basement is all it is. It's a dark basement. It's sweaty and there's a bunch of people down there. I I remember I would I would never look at anyone other than my group of friends. Like, I just didn't really feel comfortable like I don't want to engage with the frat guys. I just kinda wanted to drink and dance. And that was just the space that was available to me. Although I don't think I would choose to go back there at this point. Again, I'm also 21 now in quarantine, so I also have not experienced the bar situations in Westchester, but from my standpoint, I guess, when I was going to fraud. So I remember being like, super excited about going to the bars because like, if it wasn't going to be like a weird frat situation, like I felt like that because these buildings were fraught buildings, they just kind of had a different feeling to them, if that makes sense. Like I just didn't always feel super safe. Everything that you hear about frauds and things. And also just like being surrounded by a bunch of men was not always the best. So I remember being excited about going to the bars because I thought that it would shut all of that weirdness and do things like that. And it was just like you and your friends going out to have fun. Like you didn't have to get pass some chat at the door or something like that. But I haven't really heard anything about the bars being like racists and I I mean, I, I'm not surprised by that. It's just interesting, like from my perspective and I guess the people I've associated with, I just haven't been exposed to that. Yeah. I mean, obviously I haven't gone myself, so I like we'll be able to really save well from what I heard. And I guess I shouldn't say races, but my personal opinion is if you have a sticker in your bar that says like Blue Lives Matter, I'm going to think something about you. So I guess I shouldn't say races, but it does make me a little nervous because obviously, you know, all these slogans and stuff are, you know, they have meaning behind them. So I think that for me like, I think that's just like an open like invitation to like all these people that are also like Blue Lives Matter and stuff. And so I think that's why I'm just a little bit like, Okay, what do I even want to go somewhere it as sicker like this. Like, you know, dana, like you mentioned, like a big part of just this whole college experience is shrinking and a lot of the times, yeah, you're going to feel uncomfortable because there's all these guys around. And sometime, you know, like things can happen that you don't want like, you know, like you're just dancing or whatever with your friends and then boom, here comes like this ugly guy behind you and yes with you, Like nobody wants that, you know? And that's why six so important when we're talking about like sexual assault in college, it there is a big chunk of it that has alcohol involved with that. And so I want to share story about. This grown in a book. And I apologize if I'm seeing her name wrong, I think is geology young. But basically she was speaking about how, you know, she uses competence sexual agent who wasn't afraid to what a guy who like, Hey, you want to go back to your room. And so she explains like one night, you know, she was really drunk and she approached a guy at a bar. And so she suggests him, I go back to his place. And she was saying how like during intercourse it didn't feel good anymore. And she tried to convey that to him like through body language. But one thing she says that he wasn't responsive to her body language. So, you know, a big part of campus and drinking is the potential for there to be like, you know, sexual assault happening. And so alcohol has this really big like involved with sexual while on campus. And so a big part of what Jiang was explaining was the self-blame that she was experiencing. You know, she mentions saying that it was a mistake to go up to the person just because you wanted sex. But a lot of the times, sexual assault survivors tend to have like this self-blame aspect. So it's really important as college students to be able to know, you know, to be able to have the resources to effectively communicate what it is that you're feeling. And you know, it's very valid that sometimes you'll feel like okay, it's awkward if I just say like No stop right now. And so a big part of like this, you know, a a being a sexual assault survivor is dealing with like the O like is there something that I did wrong? I know that's very unfortunate because it's honestly never their fault. Like, you know, there's never nothing that they could have done themselves that, you know, prevent other pricing from doing that to them. And so a big thing of which she was mentioning was like, you know, blaming yourself in that sex, such a common pattern for sexual assault survivors. I think a lot of the reason why people try to self-blame or like turn it back on themselves after experiencing situations of sexual assault or harm. And that way is because I feel a lot of the media is kind of pointing towards the woman. Like you hear people saying, Oh, like, Well, what were you wearing or how much did you drink or other things like that. Trying to kind of put the blame on the survivor rather than recognizing the situation that they were in. That like maybe they didn't feel comfortable communicating the now like it seems like this this one student's story that you're referencing. Like she was trying to convey that she was not comfortable through her body language. And I feel like that ultimately just like falls on the the I guess the partner in this case would be to recognize the body language and like, maybe take a moment and be like, hey, is everything okay? You don't seem okay. I think body language is a really valid way to communicate with other people, especially if you feel like you can't use your voice. And I know a lot of times in these situations, it's hard to use your voice and it's hard to kind of stick up for yourself. So yeah, it can be very difficult. The time to know how to communicate to somebody that you know what, what's going on like you don't want that anymore. And so the book mentions like some reasons that one might lean themselves and all these different stories that they mention. So some of them are, I shouldn't have gotten that wrong. I should have told them that I was a virgin. Or in some cases, in this, like this story that I just mentioned. Ones who pursue sexual contact, but then they ended up getting sexual contact that went beyond what they wanted. So these are like some reasons that people have blame themselves, but ultimately, you should not blame yourself for other people's actions. And so it's, when we're talking about sexual assault, you know, is very important to recognize the role that alcohol can have as far as actual so and so saying I shouldn't have gotten that trunk. Well, you know, the other person should have realized that you were drunk and then you weren't able to make this decision by yourself. And even if you did sexual contact first, the other person should have known that. That's what you want and not what they wanted. So they shouldn't have tried to give you more than what you need in the first place. So, you know, the self-blame aspect of sexual assault can be very, it can play a really big role as far as like, you know, your healing process and just unpacking everything that happened. But the end of the day, you know, it's not your fault at all because yes, there are some things like body language that should be picked up on and words that should be picked up on at the end of the day if you're communicating that and people still are not being responsive to that. Completely not your fault. Throughout the book, you know, there are several stories were like somebody's sexual citizenship hasn't been respected. And so a really important quote that I wanted to share with everyone is that we must think about sex as something to share rather than something to get or to hat. And so Reno, thinking of sex in this way. The author mentions, I may go a long way to prevent these kind of interactions. So thinking of sex as something to share rather than something like to take somebody. And you really, just for all future interactions and stuff like that. So I think that's something very important too. I think about like sexy to be something that you pursue just for yourself. It should be something an experience that you hear other people. I love the idea of like sharing sex like this is an experience that you're sharing with another person or other people. And I feel like I kind of like introduces this idea of like this is a collaboration. This is something that you're doing together rather than like, I want to have sex, I'm going to do this, blah, blah, blah. It's kind of like when you're sharing, you are considering the other person in that. I liked that a lot to kind of reframe the idea of sex in our minds as like something that we are working on. Sharing with somebody else. I feel like kind of reflects back on the whole idea of sexual projects is that it's something that you're working on, something that you are collaborating on, maybe with other people, I think, yeah, the, this idea also I feel like really shows the idea of sexual citizenship as well. Because in the idea of sharing, you're thinking of other people involved like that's also kind of moving towards recognizing that they are also an agent in the situation and have choice. They have options. They have the right to say now whenever they feel uncomfortable. So I I really love that. Thank you for picking that out. I missed that. Yeah, I thought it was just really a great way of thinking. Now, moving forward because thinking of sex has something to share rather than something for your own personal taking. It is, it does in crime you to respect everyone's sexual citizenship and mixture that because it's a shared experience, you're making sure that your book enjoying or that you're not enjoying it, or that somebody isn't join me in, somebody's not. I'll share another story with everyone about a girl named Jessica. And so she mentions how during when encounter she got very drunk and ended up having sex with the guy. And she didn't really want to have sex with him, but she ended up having sex with him. And so she mentions that, you know, reflecting back on it. She knows that her it'll projects usually involve having an ongoing connection with somebody that she likes. And so in this case, where she was sexually assaulted, she didn't have a connection with them and she didn't even want to have sex with him. Looking at your sexual projects, it's important to know like, okay, this is, I want a connection with somebody in, if that's something that you want, then that's something that, that other person should respect. So, you know, obviously causal sexes of being and if users want sex and that's it, then that's fine. If that's what you both warm. But if you want like a deeper connection with somebody, then that should be respected both ways. You know, this, the last story that I'll share, but there is and charisma. And you know, she was speaking about her sexual assault experience and she mentioned how she took her sexual assault experience as a lesson. What so a project. And so just like a lot of learning, it does seek some struggle and repetition to mass or anything like that you're learning or your experience. She mentioned that she in her sexual projects, you wanted somebody who recognized her as a sexual citizen or who recognized her sexual citizenship. And so that's important and we should all strive to recognize each other's sexual citizenship and all sexual encounters. And so because, you know, she is reflecting on her sexual experience, she knew for like herself like, uh, you know, I want somebody who's going to recognize my sexual citizenship and respect. If I don't want to have sex or respect, if I do just want to have sad for if I want a deeper connection. And so, you know, like this aspect of actual citizenship and sexual soul is very important because if you recognize each other's sexual citizenship each other and you recognize like okay, this person has a right to say no. And this person has a right to say no. And the medulla sex or before sex or after sex like and so I think that's very important. You know, it's recognize everyone. Sexual students will shut. The book mentions like a assault as being contexts where contexts where one person is inattentive to the other person's right to sexual self-determination, which is their sexual citizenship. So, you know, I'm thinking ever sexual experiences, it's important to be attentive to the other person's right and slow. No body language or words or, you know, whoever they choose to communicate that it's important to be attentive about it because I think it is kinda like obvious. And somebody's body language is saying like, No, I don't want this. And so it's important to recognize each other's actual ship. Reminds me so much of Planned Parenthood actually kind of gave a little, a cute little graphic acronym idea for the idea of consent, which I refer back to all the time because I think it's so great. So the acronym is fries. And that stands for it freely given, reversible, informed, enthusiastic, and specific. And I think that is the most comprehensive idea of consent that I've seen thus far. And I think like the idea that being enthusiastic goes back to showing body language that might not show that you're interested or like in that one story where she was kind of like not feeling it or like maybe it wasn't feeling good as she wasn't enjoying it and trying to convey that through her body language. And if you see body language that is not enthusiastic, you might want to second guess. But it also gives the idea of it being reversible, which I think is great. Like that. Just because you consent to one thing does not mean that you can send to all things. But yeah, that's my my favorite idea or I guess little acronym for consent because I think it's it's very comprehensive. Yeah, I love that. I think it's a really easy thing to remember, like fries. That's something easy to remember, but I think yes. And for him because his head she's on kind of like these consent and that's really important when you set enthusiastic with you or somebody you can obviously tell if they're not really feeling the situation or if they're like, yeah, I'm potluck, let's have sex. Like you can tell when somebody's into and when somebody's not ends up. As far as respecting each other's sexual citizenship, it's important to be attentive to these things like body language or contact or words and stuff. We wanted to touch on these topics because it's a very real thing to think about as a college student. And so I'm thankful that we're given these spaces where we are able to talk about this stuff. Because moving forward, We learn better ways to communicate with our partners. And we learn better ways to just realize what we want ourselves. And so I think that this was such an impactful chapter. And I think, you know, it's information then we can take with us forever. And so I'm going to thank you all for tuning in again to all of our episodes.